There's a story over at The High Road
which is irking us justice seeking types. The long and short of the story is that in my own Washington State, a guy was helping his grandmother move, discovers his grand pappy's old shotgun in the garage, and so puts it in the house where he can lock it up for safety's sake. You know, to be responsible. Officer so-and-so shows up looking for a suspect in some crime or other, and asks if he can look in the house, just in case. The grandson gives the OK, and our fine officer sees the shotgun, which turns out to have a 13.5 inch barrel. The guy goes to the slammer, gun-nut outrage ensues, and everything sucks.
Then Cropcirclewalker posts this in response:
We got this big ice/snow storm last night. I was looking out the window thinking about this guy that allowed the search only to get arrested for his trouble and how it would be awfully hard to make a deputy stand outside in the snow while talking to him about whatever it was that he wanted.
I would like to help LEOs as much as possible in the swift completion of their appointed rounds so I thunk up something which I like to call
DELTA MALLOQUE 4TH AMENDMENT
WARRANTLESS SEARCH PERMISSION WAIVER
And it goes something like this.
I, ____________ (Insert name, rank, badge no. here) being a Law Enforcement Officer (Herinafter referred to as LEO) employed in the jurisdiction of ___________________ in which the property and premises owned by Mr. Walker, Cropcernicus, C. is a part, and having presented authentic LEO identification along with 2 other forms of private photo identification,
and, being in pursuit of a suspect, namely_______________(insert suspect name, if known here) described as ____________(insert Height, weight, age, sex, race, clothing description here), wanted on suspicion of committing ______(insert crime, title, description here),
and, being in possession and control of the precept known as "officer's descretion", do hereby promise to use aforementioned discretion in granting a waiver of any and all "plain sight" curiosities of anything other than the actual pursuit of suspect as named above.
I further grant, limited immunity to Mr. Walker for any crimes, the suspicion of the commission of which I may accidentally discover in my search.
I promise to NOT look in any cupboard, drawer, refigerator, freezer, toilet bowl or tank or any other container which is obviously too small to contain the suspect and I promise not to wonder what any curious powders such as salt, sugar, baking powder, talc, rat poisen or whatever and I further promise that the person whom I seek is not contained in any computer file, document, book, or photo of naked infant grandchildren.
Finally, I affirm that I am not interested in checking barrel lengths, serial numbers or proof of ownership of any and all firearms which I may encounter in my search and I promise not to confiscate any weapon not carried by the suspect regardless of the state of natural disasters as may occur.
In exchange for the valuable consideration which I promise to provide above, Mr, Walker will grant permission for me and any other LEO that signs a document identical to this one permission to search these premises for above named or described suspect without a lawful warrant.
SECONDARY AGREEMENT / PROMISSARY NOTE
I, the above named LEO do recognize and admit that I, as a LEO, am permitted by law to lie to a suspect to achieve information, compliance or other stuff. I do hereby declare that Mr. Walker is NOT A SUSPECT, which voids that permission.
In recognition of the above statement, and if as a result of this search, and because of his assistance provided, any charges of any kind are brought against Mr. Walker, I will personally reimburse him One Hundred Thousand Dollars ($100,000.00) to be paid at the rate of 2 percent per month plus 9% APR.
I further agree to reimburse him for any legal and collection fees which he may incur in collecting above debt.
To Mr. Walker I, the undersigned, acting as a LEO AND a private citizen, do pledge my life, my fortune and my sacred honor.
Witnessed by Cropcernicus C. Walker
End of document.
Whattaya think? Mr. Tejon?
I think it's pretty good :)