Friday, June 08, 2012

Let that be your last Internet forum

After spending a fruitless hour trying to find an answer to a question on several different online forums, I now believe that any semblance of actual human thought is just an illusion created by an evil programmer who has unleashed an evil spambot, the sole function of which is to infiltrate Internet forums and flood them with barely-literate posts.

The evil programmer's Machiavellian algorithm produces the prose equivalent of a raisin loaf baked by the prince of darkness, himself: the batter consists of extreme run-on sentences, to the point of entire paragraphs with no punctuation whatsoever, no capitalization, frequent misspellings (including impenetrable textspeak), and overall poor grammar; contained within this hideous batter are few shriveled little raisins of vital information, the only reason you claw your way through all this wretched prose in the first place. Desperate for this information, you go through loaf after satanic loaf in these forums until, exhausted and broken by the effort, you begin to suspect that you and the evil programmer are the only conscious entities existing in an infinite and otherwise empty universe that even God has abandoned in disgust, and you and he are doomed to a bitter and meaningless struggle until the end of time like those two black-and-white guys in that old episode of Star Trek.

Either that or public schools really, really suck, and have for the last 20 years or so.


Blogger Kevin said...

It's been going on longer than the past twenty years. We're just past the point where the exponential acceleration is flattening our eyeballs.

6/09/2012 7:30 AM  
Blogger Russell said...

Wat r u tlkng about? LOL!

In some sort of twisted way, this shows that the market can provide a faster way to Newspeak than the government owned and controlled public education system.

Governments can't even mentally cripple the people as well as we can do it to ourselves!

6/12/2012 1:27 PM  

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