Friday, June 09, 2006

A Vicious Triangle of Death?

Apparently it is. See, this fancy graphic proves it!

Courtesy of our friends at the Brady Campaign to Obfuscate Gun Issues. Maybe they're just bored, and thinking up clever new schemes to stoke the flames of the anti-gun movement is a fun challenge. How about a run down:

1. Handguns? Blech. Ban handguns.
Result: Worked in Canada (sorta), UK, etc. Didn't hold in the USA. Dang!

2. Cop Killer Bullets? Blech! Ban 'em!
Result: No such thing. Only got one major Hollywood movie out of it. Argh!

3. X-ray-evading Plastic Glock pistols? Yack! Ban 'em!!
Result: No such thing. Lots of plastic, but lots of metal too. Didn't even get a movie out of it. Well, shoot! (so to speak).

4. Blood of "The Children" flooding the streets. Ban guns!
Result: "Children" were 37 year-old gang bangers. Mostly died out. Rap music became too commercial, lost G-edge.

5. Assault Weapons? Blech blech blech! They're so EEEVIL! Ban 'em! Sorta!
Result: Mag price jump. "Whatdya mean I can't have a flash hider??" Then ten years later: "Free at last!"

6. Assault Weapons Ban Repeal? Blood in the streets! AK-47s and UZIs! Kill Kill Kill! Don't repeal it.
Result: They didn't, it just expired. No blood in the streets. Double dang!

7. .50 cal Sniper Rifles? They'll shoot down airplanes! Foot long bullets will travel to the earth's core and cause global earthquakes! Ban 'em!!!
Result: Nobody ever killed or hurt by a civilian-owned .50 BMG, except in erroneous news reporting, where a guy was shot TWICE! in the CHEST! and lived. Uh huh.

8. .50 cal Sniper and Assault Weapons are Terrorist's Weapons of Choice! (TWoC, not to be confused with CWOC, or Criminals Weapons of Choice)! Put Mahmood on the list! No list??? Well, make a list, then Ban 'em!
Result: Terrorists use bombs and airplanes etc. Non issue. Thppppt!

9. Nobody is buying our crap! Solution: Rephrase! "Sensible Gun Laws." Who could oppose that?
Result: Americans not stupid. Relabeling nonsensical propositions as "sensible" didn't pass muster. Fudge!

10. Triangle of Death? Heh heh heh. I mean Yeeearrrgh! Throw 'em all in jail!
Result: Rank amateurs stepped on the ATF's pee-pee. Big no-no. Turns out most dealers follow the law to the letter. Don't know final outcome exactly, but this one will fizzle out, too.

Here's my prediction for what's coming from the BC: Go back to what's tried and true: The Slippery Slope. Just need to start higher. We were on the slope, but somehow the gun nuts got some traction. Start over and keep it well lubed. Maybe go back to "Nobody NEEDS 364 guns. Darn it, that's an Arsenal! What if the terrorists had an arsenal? Only criminals need an arsenal. Blood will run in the streets if private citizens have arsenals! Ban 'em!"

So there we have it, it'll all start again at the top, the new top, every proper gun-nut's worst nightmare: Arsenal Control.

Please provide your own predictions, this could be funny. Maybe we'll get an entry on tradesports: "What will the Brady Campaign cook up next?"


Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you have 364 guns, you're one short. You need one for each day of the year.


6/09/2006 11:38 AM  
Blogger Stickwick Stapers said...

Does this graphic mean to imply that all gun dealers are corrupt or that Congress only passes laws for the corrupt ones? What does that "LAWS" arrow mean anyway? Laws are passed to do what exactly for the corrupt gun dealers (and, again, only the corrupt ones or are all of them corrupt)? And do only corrupt gun dealers give money to the NRA or are all gun dealers corrupt and they all give money to the NRA? Or do the Brady's only care about the corrupt ones, and the law-abiding ones are OK? I just don't get it.

Maybe the graphic is supposed to elicit a big gut-level "Oh no!" from the general public, whom the Brady's assume never bother to think about these things critically. If you try to analyze it in even the most rudimentary way, it's just confusing.

In any case, I think gun dealers should look into a collective libel suit with this, 'cuz it seems to imply that all gun dealers are corrupt. And that Congress abets them.

6/09/2006 2:09 PM  
Blogger Stickwick Stapers said...

Hey, now that I think of it, didn't the Bradys have some kind of scare-tactic that was aimed specifically at women? If not, they should get on it right away, because I think the evil NRA is trying to engage women in shooting more and more.

Also, wasn't there a flap over colored guns? Y'know, pink assault rifles 'n' such?

6/09/2006 2:33 PM  
Anonymous beerslurpy said...

Congress is providing LAWS rockets to corrupt gun dealers? I guess mine must still be in the mail.

More seriously, I adore how they leave out the 4 million gun owners who give every year. I also love how the NRA can just waltz in and buy some laws from congress, as if bribery is perfectly legal. Lol, some serious libel in there.

6/09/2006 8:34 PM  
Anonymous MarkF said...

My money says the brady brats will take a page from that idiot NY mayor, claiming that guns 'colored to look like toys' are not only the gravest danger facing children today, but the weapon of choice for criminals...

6/10/2006 1:50 PM  
Blogger BobG said...

I think someone should make a large wooden model of the triangle, sharpen it properly, and then invite the Brady Bunch to sit on it...

6/10/2006 4:01 PM  
Blogger Benjamin said...

I don't know about anybody else, but gun dealers that adhere to the strict letter of the law, I view as a pain in the ass.

I once had the yellow Brady form take almost 60 minutes to be approved by phone.

The Brady's case is hopeless unless they can capitalize on this "increase in violent crime" story that has been about lately. It's directly related to the AWB expiration and I can prove it!


6/14/2006 1:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

About #3, the X-ray evading Glocks, didn't Die Hard 2 have something about Glocks going undetected with metal detectors??

7/11/2006 12:54 AM  

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