Breaking Up Is Hard to Do
Dear Movie Theater,
I'm very sad to tell you this, but I'm breaking up with you. I appreciate the offer of Transformers and Die Hard 4, but I think it's too late now. For most of my teen and adult life I faithfully visited you at least once a week -- I'd take any excuse to go to you -- but you stopped courting me years ago. I feel like I'm being used, taken for granted. The romance is over. You've offered me almost no movie magic in the last 10 years. That's bad enough, but with your high ticket prices, ludicrous snack prices, the commercials, the smell, the crunchy/sticky floor, the cell phones, the loud talking, the kids running up and down the aisle, the seat-kicking -- that's it. I've had it. I have no desire to be with you anymore. You lost me, and I've found someone else. He's not nearly as charming and exciting as you were in the beginning, but I need something to ease the loneliness. It's a big plasma screen TV with surround sound. With my shelf full of DVDs at home (mostly from those early, exhilarating years of our relationship), I'm committing myself to my home theater.
If you ever want me back, you'll have to change. You'll have to show me that you care, that I mean something to you. Until then, it's good-bye.
Sincerely,
Stickwick Stapers
I'm very sad to tell you this, but I'm breaking up with you. I appreciate the offer of Transformers and Die Hard 4, but I think it's too late now. For most of my teen and adult life I faithfully visited you at least once a week -- I'd take any excuse to go to you -- but you stopped courting me years ago. I feel like I'm being used, taken for granted. The romance is over. You've offered me almost no movie magic in the last 10 years. That's bad enough, but with your high ticket prices, ludicrous snack prices, the commercials, the smell, the crunchy/sticky floor, the cell phones, the loud talking, the kids running up and down the aisle, the seat-kicking -- that's it. I've had it. I have no desire to be with you anymore. You lost me, and I've found someone else. He's not nearly as charming and exciting as you were in the beginning, but I need something to ease the loneliness. It's a big plasma screen TV with surround sound. With my shelf full of DVDs at home (mostly from those early, exhilarating years of our relationship), I'm committing myself to my home theater.
If you ever want me back, you'll have to change. You'll have to show me that you care, that I mean something to you. Until then, it's good-bye.
Sincerely,
Stickwick Stapers
4 Comments:
Haven't been to a theater in around 20 years, exactly for the reasons you mention.
The Boyfriend always convinces me to give up my blitzkreig against movie theaters every few months, and I'm nearly always thrown right back into my hatred. PotC3 was the worst. Transformers was actually one of the best audiences I've been a part of in years, aside from a few kids who thought that running down the stairs and back up again would let them be able to see more of the movie when they had to go to the restroom. A Netflix subscription is definitely in my future. I see no real reason to ever go to a theater again.
Speak for yourself, Sis. I still like going to the theater. I go about once a month and very rarely experience the seat kicking or kids running amuck.
That, and I can't afford a big screen with surround sound, so the theater is it for me, at least for the "good" movies.
I was speaking for myself, doofus. :)
Maybe things are better in Seattle. Tell you what. When you come and visit me in Texas, I'll take you to a movie and you can judge the difference.
If only theater management would do something about some of my complaints. If they would get rid of the commercials and the noisy people in the audience, that would get me back.
Squeaky Wheel,
I know exactly how you feel. I almost always come out of the theater exasperated, grumpy, and irritated. My husband is able to ignore all the hullabaloo, but I can't.
I'll put in a plug for Blockbuster online. We've been with them for a couple of years now. Good selection and service. Plus, you can trade in your DVDs at the store for a free rental and they mail it back for you.
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