Tuesday, July 24, 2007

6 Movie Formulas That Must Be Stopped

Continuing with the open letter to Hollywood theme, a movie lover at Cracked.com pleads for the demise of a few well-worn movie formulas. My favorite:

#2.Father Is Wronged by Gang; Kills Entire Planet

Who Did It Best: It was a tough call between Man on Fire and Death Wish, but we're giving it to the latter for it's slightly more totally insane approach. Sure, Denzel was undeniably badass and efficient with his killing spree, but he only brought justice to those who directly wronged him. Death Wish, however, has Bronson killing the rapists who killed his wife, criminals who want to mug him, and finally, other jerks that just look like they some day might think about mugging someone. For blurring the line between vengeance and genocide, (venocide), Death Wish takes this one home.

Incidentally, I broke my vow to stay away from the movie-house, sorta. Hubby and I went to see Transformers this weekend at one of the Alamo Drafthouses, which doesn't allow wee children, is patronized by people who are either too civilized or too inebriated to make any commotion during the movie, and has rows of seats so far apart that you'd have to have legs 10' long to kick the one in front of you. This is probably the solution to my theater-going blues. (And Transformers rocked!!)

Carnaby's Comment: WTF? They left out the real #1, which is the "Retarded Heist Film." If I ever see another film (not actually view the film, only see that there is a film) about a bank robbery or some other pathetic heist I'm going to barf. And I'll call this one... Best heist film: Heat, on account of all the guns and shooting with good technique and so forth. Worst heist film: wait for it, you can taste it... Heist. One of the few movies I had to turn off before it was over .

That and the most stupid movie of all time with Benicio del Toro and Tommy Lee Jones. It was so stupid I turned it off after 25 minutes and I don't even remember the title. Hmm, IMDb says it was The Hunted. Super barf. Now there's a formula they should have killed before it ever got started, the "Most Stupid Movie Ever" formula. Just like in the 100m dash, you never think anyone could ever go any faster, or make a movie more stupid, and then they do it.


Blogger Stickwick Stapers said...

I'm with you, carnaby. Heist movies: big blech. Heat was great, because it wasn't really about the heist, it was about the characters played by Pacino and De Niro. And the acting was good.

Stupidest heist movie for me was The Italian Job wherein some unknown innocent guy is getting ripped off by the heisters in the beginning of the movie, and then one of the heisters betrays the other heisters, and then we're supposed to care that out of some sense of honorable revenge they're gonna perpetrate a heist against the traitor heister. All of a sudden these guys are heroes, even though they're crooks. Says a lot about our culture.

7/25/2007 11:52 AM  

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