Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Open Letter to Hollywood

Dear Hollywood executive types,

By now you're no doubt surprised and confused by the success of 300. Some of you are even more surprised and confused about why women are seeing this movie. If you really want to know what sells it for the female audience, here's a clue...

Despite all the Orlandos, Johnnys, and Leonardos you keep foisting on us WE STILL LIKE REAL MEN. We like men who are strong. We like men who are hairy and sweaty. We like men who say little, but do a lot. We like men with principles and convictions. We like men who can do violence. We like men who protect.

Still don't get it?

Well, here are more examples of men we like in movies:

Just kidding!

Muscles are part of it, but not the essence of it. Masculinity is. When you remember what that word means, you'll start making movies more people want to see.

Hope that helps.

Yours truly,
Stickwick Stapers

[OK, this was an excuse to indulge in some personal fantasy time (sorry, Carnaby).]


Blogger BobG said...

Don't forget this old guy...

3/22/2007 8:38 AM  
Blogger Markadelphia said...

I agree with all of this but hairy? Most chicks I know that like the hairy thing are in their 50s....children of the 1970s if you will...the chest hair and the medallion.

Every woman I have polled...and their are a man neat and trimmed...pretty much everywhere. It's common courtesy.

3/22/2007 10:05 AM  
Blogger Stickwick Stapers said...

Bob: Sean definitely belongs in that category, and a lot of women like him. I didn't include him in the montage, because he's personally not appealing to me.

Mark: Yep, hairy. Not gorilla hairy, but I can't stand it when men shave their bodies. Blech! Plus I really like full beards.

3/22/2007 10:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The guy who starred in the latest Bond flick? Anti-gun, mangina, pussy boy. Hates guns, can't take a punch without crying, whines all the time. Not manly.

Sean Connery? Did public service announcements after Dunblane in support of outlawing handguns in the UK. Asshole and prick of the highest order. Not manly.

3/22/2007 7:50 PM  
Blogger Stickwick Stapers said...

Most actors are complete nitwits. Doesn't really bother me. What I see on the screen is what I care about.

3/22/2007 9:35 PM  
Blogger Francis W. Porretto said...

Glad you included Bruce Willis from Tears of the Sun. That was one hell of a movie, and his part was genuinely heroic in stature.

3/23/2007 2:08 PM  
Blogger BobG said...

Here's a video you may like.

3/24/2007 10:27 AM  
Blogger Stickwick Stapers said...

Fran: Hubby and I really liked Tears. An underrated movie, in my opinion. I also wanted to include Eric Bana in Black Hawk Down but couldn't find a good photo.

Bob: Good Lord!!

3/25/2007 2:13 AM  
Anonymous Thengi said...

Amen, Sister.

Let's add Vin Diesel's Riddick in there, too.

Also, The Brits get it right every now and then...check out the BBC's "Sharpe's Rifles" with my favorite bit of masculinity, Sean Bean.

3/26/2007 2:23 AM  
Blogger Stickwick Stapers said...

Ooh, yeah... I forgot Sean Bean. I liked him in Fellowship, of course, but also in Bravo Two Zero.

3/26/2007 11:07 AM  
Blogger carnaby said...

Note that the Spartan leading the charge in the pic above is Boromir's brother Faramir.

3/26/2007 11:30 AM  
Blogger Stickwick Stapers said...

Right, carnaby. Poetic, eh?

3/26/2007 2:06 PM  

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