My Five

So here's my answer to Say Uncle's five questions

1. You can have one handgun and one only for the rest of your life, which would it be?

While I have a great fondness for my Beretta 96 and the Bersa Thunder does conceal nicely, I'll have to go with the Les Baer Monolith Comanche.



It's a commander-size 1911, somewhat more concealable than the full size, and has a nifty full-length dust cover. I handled one over at Adventure Sports in Lynnwood. Me like.

2. Now, a rifle?

I'll assume we're talking legal, civilian weapons and go with the Loaded Standard Springfield M1A



I'd really like to have a SAKO bolt-action, but if I'm limited to only one rifle, that one will do it.

3. So, what exactly is Carnaby Fudge and what does it mean?

Carnaby Fudge is a reference from the Monty Python Book Shop skit.

THE BOOKSHOP SKETCH

Customer: (entering the bookshop) Good morning.

Proprietor (John Cleese): Good morning, sir. Can I help you?

C: Er, yes. Do you have a copy of "Thirty Days in the Samarkind Desert with the Duchess of Kent" by A. E. J. Eliott, O.B.E.?

P: Ah, well, I don't know the book, sir....

C: Er, never mind, never mind. How about "A Hundred and One Ways to Start a Fight"?

P: ...By?

C: An Irish gentleman whose name eludes me for the moment.

P: Ah, no, well we haven't got it in stock, sir....

C: Oh, well, not to worry, not to worry. Can you help me with "David Coperfield"?

P: Ah, yes, Dickens.

C: No....

P: (pause) I beg your pardon?

C: No, Edmund Wells.

P: I... *think* you'll find Charles Dickens wrote "David Copperfield", sir....

C: No, no, Dickens wrote "David Copperfield" with *two* Ps. This is "David Coperfield" with *one* P by Edmund Wells.

P: "David Coperfield" with one P?

C: Yes, I should have said.

P: Yes, well in that case we don't have it.

C: (peering over counter) Funny, you've got a lot of books here....

P: (slightly perturbed) Yes, we do, but we don't have "David Coperfield" with one P by Edmund Wells.

C: Pity, it's more thorough than the Dickens.

P: More THOROUGH?!?

C: Yes...I wonder if it might be worth a look through all your "David Copperfield"s...

P: No, sir, all our "David Copperfield"s have two P's.

C: Are you quite sure?

P: Quite.

C: Not worth just looking?

P: Definitely not.

C: Oh...how 'bout "Grate Expectations"?

P: Yes, well we have that....

C: That's "G-R-A-T-E Expectations," also by Edmund Wells.

P: (pause) Yes, well in that case we don't have it. We don't have anything by Edmund Wells, actually: he's not very popular.

C: Not "Knickerless Knickleby"? That's K-N-I-C-K-E-R-L-E-S-S.

P: (taciturn) No.

C: "Khristmas Karol" with a K?

P: (really quite perturbed) No....

C: Er, how about "A Sale of Two Titties"?

P: DEFINITELY NOT.

C: (moving towards door) Sorry to trouble you....

P: Not at all....

C: Good morning.

P: Good morning.

C: (turning around) Oh!

P: (deep breath) Yesss?

C: I wonder if you might have a copy of "Rarnaby Budge"?

P: No, as I say, we're right out of Edmund Wells!

C: No, not Edmund Wells - Charles Dikkens.

P: (pause - eagerly) Charles Dickens??

C: Yes.

P: (excitedly) You mean "Barnaby Rudge"!

C: No, "Rarnaby Budge" by Charles Dikkens. That's Dikkens with two Ks, the well-known Dutch author.

P: (slight pause) No, well we don't have "Rarnaby Budge" by Charles Dikkens with two Ks, the well-known Dutch author, and perhaps to save time I should add that we don't have "Carnaby Fudge" by Darles Chickens, or "Farmer of Sludge" by Marles Pickens, or even "Stickwick Stapers" by Farles Wickens with four M's and a silent Q!!!!! Why don't you try W. H. Smith's?

C: Ah did, They sent me here.

P: DID they.

C: Oh, I wonder...

P: Oh, do go on, please.

C: Yes...I wonder if you might have "The Amazing Adventures of Captain Gladys Stoutpamphlet and her Intrepid Spaniel Stig Amongst the Giant Pygmies of Beckles"...volume eight.

P: (after a pause for recovery) No, we don't have that...funny, we've got a lot of books here...well, I musn't keep you standing here...thank you,-- ...

and it goes on from there. It turns out that it's rather difficult to find a unique and silly email name for hotmail, so whilst trying out several dozen, that was the first one that came up unused.

4. You use Linux? What on earth for?

Good question. I'm a PhD student in aerospace control systems and Linux is what you use if you're cool (extra nerdy, that is). I used to HATE linux. Really hate it. I also used to hate MacOS, and still do. I was Windows all the way... I switched over to the NT platform after slogging with Windows 95 for a year. I dual-boot Linux and Windows 2000, but I've found that Linux can do everything Windows can do (except run Pro Engineer, my CAD package). And since Linux doesn't suffer from all the stupid viruses and all that, it's a nice system.

The thing that really got me into Linux was the advent of Gentoo. I finally stopped hating Linux when Gentoo came about. That, and I use LaTeX for all my word publishing, since most of my writing involves lots of math, and LaTeX is a far superior environment for math stuff than Word or Frame Maker. You can get LaTeX for Windows, but it comes built in with Linux.

5. Battlestar Galactica: 2005 or 1970's?

That's easy, 1970s. I've not seen a 2005 episode yet and this is still an easy question. Starbuck a girl? Come on. We just got the 1970s DVDs and I watch them with my son. They're great. The pilot episode is especially good. It reminds me of politics today, with the president of the humans getting all the battlestars destroyed by being a pacifist wiener and Adama leading with moral certainty.

All right, now who wants their five from me? Come on now... don't make me make this stuff up.